Stand still

Stand still.

Let go of needing to move,

To take the next step.

Listen

To the noise and the bustle,

The tears and the laughter.

Feel

The pain and the joy,

The tension and the release.

See

The anger and the love,

The closed and the open.

Smell

The fumes and the flowers,

The shit and the food.

Watch

The traffic and the stillness,

The fight and the peace.

 

Taste

The sour and the sweet,

The sharp and the smooth.

Touch

The road beneath your feet,

And the breeze in the air.

Hold the whole world in your hand

And in this moment just love it.

Experience the freedom.

Breathe.

Again.

Smile.

Move on.

The Autumn Leaf

Drifting on the wind

Gold

Gold and rich orange

Settling for a while

Then gently moving on

Mixing unobtrusively with others

Then spending time in

Splendid isolation

Peaceful

Deep and meaningful

In its intensity

Almost complete

Job done, tree fed

Now merely time to

Take its own journey

For a while

Before settling permanently

In its own individual space

Feeding something else

But who knows what

On working through a moment of awareness

I think you might have forgotten.

And I am not sure that's ok.

I don't want it to matter but I'm ashamed to say it does.

I wish I didn't care.  But I do.

Damn.

I'd like to think my helping was out of pure generosity of spirit.

But to my horror I'm discovering that it wasn't - that my ego was in there too.

As I hear you mention how you've grown, and I listen to your story told as if I wasn't part of it, it hurts.

Bugger.

I wish that I could rejoice in your growth without wanting you to be grateful for my contribution. But I can't.

Shit.  I'm not the man I'd like to be.

Perhaps it's true the way you tell it. Maybe I was fooling myself that I made a difference. Maybe I really didn't.

And now I know I was fooling myself that it was enough to offer my attention without return.  I did want something back, I just didn't acknowledge that in myself.

 

And now I notice that I have again lost my curiosity. As the extent of my ego and my attachments become clearer, my judgement  of myself grows.  Who am I if I cannot simply give without needing your gratitude?

How easily I fooled myself.

I feel a bit lost.  Where do I go from here?

Well....

I still choose to give of myself.  Despite your memory or perception, and my ego. I realise the wrench of being closed and ungenerous is much greater than the pain of my relevance being forgotten.  Or even the disappointment of being irrelevant.

In fact I stand for it.

Thank you. The absence of your explicit recognition has helped me to step into a more choice-full space. And I do rejoice in your growth, without conditions or pain. How wonderful it is and how delighted I am.

And I will remember, with ego and with love, my intended contribution.

I needed to see you today

I needed to see you today

Thank you.

I needed to see you today.

I didn't know it until we were done;

But I knew immediately we were,

That it was you that was needed in my life right then.

I needed to see you today.

To be refreshed by your unique presence,

To fulfil something that, until I saw you,

I hadn't even dreamed was required.

I needed to see you today.

To soak in your love which,

Although you might never have realised you were doing it,

Was as clear as daylight in your pleasure in seeing me.

I needed to see you today.

To have you ask me for something of me

Which I didn't even know was valuable

Until you asked for it, so openly.

I needed to see you today.

To heal an uncertainty, contain a doubt

To nurture my soul as it struggled

With a shadow I had yet to really face.

I needed to see you today.

To support my courage AND

To help me put the world into perspective,

While I renew my own commitment to my purpose.

I needed to see you today.

To restore my sense of deep gratitude

To refresh my belief in the wonderfulness of our world,

In which you and your kind prevail.

I needed to see YOU today.

To behold your magical being

To listen to your wonderful voice

To be embraced by your utter decency.

I needed to see you today.

Thank you.

 Inspired by my dear friend Asher, and I suddenly realised how much it applies to so many of the wonderful people in my life.